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Mandingo: Buck or Doe?
Letter to the Editor
Debauchery Times
July 24, 2000
It has come to this aspiring journalist's attention that several recent Test
Matches have gone unreported at the illustrious Southside Pitch. It has
become a topic of scorching debate among bocce players of female gender.
Roman Debauchery, regarded by some as having unkind feelings towards women,
has failed to report at least three test matches of which he was not the
victor. There is great cause for concern that there may be many more such
losses that have gone the way of other items of refuse at the Southside;
piled up and thrown aside. Unfortunately, these awesome displays of bocce at
its finest will not be picked up and displayed by Mother Debauchery as are
other items with considerable less interest to the general public.
In a private interview with Madame Cristo earlier this week, it was noted
that player Mandingo had been slain not once, but twice by La Femme Cristo
and partner. It is understandable that Ms. Cristo was quite upset by the lack
of press on what she considered her finest games to date. To quote: "Why
is it that Buck never reports the games he loses?" This writer for one
would be interested in a response from either Mr. Mandingo or R. Debauchery.
She was quick to add that several of her less favorable matches were
publicized, even to the point of reference being made to a "back of the
hand" that was needed. Needless to say, this sort of overt
anti-feministic coverage is highly inflammatory and to be blunt: sucks! If
coverage favorable to women is not evident in upcoming Times newsletters, we
shall assume that Buck Mandingo, much like Bambi's mother in the movie, has
been felled by bocce bullets and has become nothing more than a shell of his
former stature. It leads one to believe that this mighty buck, though not
typically arachnophobic, has been neutralized in Cweb's net. This is
particularly distressing, as it is widely known that she and Lady Gimlet have
possibly been the largest female supporters of Mandingo for many months now.
Even going so far as to withstand hours of post-bocce blame throwing, which
is akin to an unlimited amount of cream pies being thrown at their faces at a
carnival. Messy, embarrassing, and highly inappropriate. It is with great
hope and prayer that this article will serve as a wake-up call, and the
Debauchery Times will continue to report all matches as fairly and truthfully
as it has in the past. Please don't let this crime against women continue.
Respectfully,
I. M. Woman
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