Mogen Rumored to Have Signed with Castro

Seeking asylum from numerous federal investigations, David Mogen may have found a way out.  The Cuban embassey claims to have signed the crafty veteran to a one-year deal.  Terms of the contract were not disclosed, however a potentially endless supply of local herbs and latin women were no doubt involved.  All games being played on the grass outside the embassy ensures Mogen the right to sling the balls of summer on Cuban soil, immune from the jurisdiction of federal marshalls.  Mogen has been on the lamb since a raid on several a scat-vid operations in Buffalo’s lower east side.  If the accusations prove true, Mogen may soon emerge as a pivotal player for the ‘Havana Putas’ this summer. 
 
 

- Abdul Alhazred 
 

Sweatmoore Petitions World Counsel to Create New Conference In Nations Capitol

Bocce veteran Nathan Sweatmoore has made the first step in applying for permission to create a new bocce conference in the mid-antlantic conglomerate.  The proposed league, if permitted, could begin play by early June.  Sweatmoore, as some might remember, tossed ceramic on Lewiston’s famed Southside Pitch for a few impressive, yet unremarkable seasons.  Citing mental strains beyond his capabilities, he disappeared into semi-seclusion last fall.  “I needed something less mentally taxing than the life on tour...  That’s when I decided to enroll in medical school.”  However, like a common junky removed from his fix, Sweatmoore soon felt the itch of bocce.  Not long after the first cherry blossom signalled the beginning of summer, Sweatmoore started having visions of a new conference in the sweltering heat of downtown D.C.  “I bumped into Mayor Barry at a local brothel and we discussed the whole thing over a toke of crack.  A few ‘bills under the table’ later it was a done deal.”  With federal money behind him and a limitless supply of public land for the taking, the only thing left to gain was permission from the grand counsel.  “Everything’s in the hands of Roman [Debauchery] and the others on the counsel.  We’re ready to through out the first pallino.  All we need is a few more players and couple gallons of wine.” 

- Francois St. Douche

Southside Greats Being Wooed

With the prospect of a new mid-atlantic conference in the works, veteran players have become a high priced commodity.  Several of the new teams are jockeying for the rights to a number of Southside’s skilled veterans.  General manager of the Southeast based ‘Carjackers’, Antowayne Mohammed Mustafa-Mahn, has expressed considerable interest in both Tomas Sinjin-Smythe and Buck Mandingo.  “We’re shopping for tenacity right now and see these two as possibly the most violent prone of anyone out there.”  It is unlikely Mandingo will leave the tranquility of the shores of the great Niagara River.  Reached by phone in Cambria, N.Y. Mandingo stated, “I’m happy here, I’ve got my wine, and my bucks to tend to.”  Smythe, on the other hand, viewed the offer as a distinct possibility.  The setting of Southeast D.C., as well as the “cultivating” climate may be enough temp him to relocate.

- H. P. Lovecraft