Tomas Sonjin-Smythe has been named the first Carnivores Cup champion based on his sterling play throughout an arduous 1997 campaign.  Despite joining the tour well into its second month of competition, Sinjin-Smythe quickly established himself as a force to be reckoned with.  Whether paired with a teammate or on his own in 3- way play, more often than not he was victorious.  It is further credit to him that, while many formidable foes fell by the wayside (the mental strains of Southside Pitch bocce being more than their fragile psyche could sustain) Sinjin-Smythe absorbed the genius of his influences and utilized the same tactics to crush those that opposed him.

While it was virtually unanimous that Smythe had no equal, veteran David Mogen was a lone voice in the wind questioning the wisdom behind his selection.  “I am not yet convinced”, was Mogen’s initial response to the news that was a foregone conclusion to most at Southside.  Although the crown is his, Smythe will have an opportunity to answer this protest in what is certain to be the last major tournament this season:  the September Super Series.

SEPTEMBER SUPER SERIES PUTS TO
REST QUESTIONS OF SUPERIORITY

It was long believed by Southside Pitch aficionado's that the September Super Series would prove to be the defining moment of the 1997 season.  However, recently crowned Carnivores Cup champion Tomas Sinjin-Smytheand veteran Buck Mandingo simply dismembered the clearly inferior team of Ivan Sfencterand David Mogen, the latter’s frustration exceeded only by their ineptitude.  The defining moment, in actuality was nothing more than a pathetic punctuation mark, a thrashing the likes of which has never been seen before.  Even those who administered the beating had a difficult time looking at their vanquished opponents, rigor mortis having clearly set in.  Only the stench of their decaying corpses would keep the score within the realm of respectability.

After twelve consecutive victories the team of Sinjin-Smytheand Mandingo looked to be bored and disinterested against the perpetually frustrated Sfencterand Mogen, who, to their credit, accepted defeat upon defeat without mentally short-circuiting.  Following a particularly gut wrenching defeat, Mogen challenged the elder Mandingo to hand-to-hand combat and seemed to be holding his own when an errant sucker punch from “lifemate” Sfencter found Mogen’s jaw instead of its intended target.  A coldcocked Mogen would regain consciousness but the damage was clearly done.  When asked to comment on the events as they unfolded, Sinjin-Smythe seemed to sum up the situation succinctly:  “He never saw it comin’.”

If this debacle wasn’t enough, the first recorded shutout in bocce history was recorded by Sinjin-Smytheand Mandingo, who bocc-slapped Sfencterand Mogen in the rubber match of a three test challenge proposed by the latter duo.  How the champions maintained their sterling level of play against such scant resistance is further testament to their unprecedented achievement.  Buck Mandingo’s assessment of his team’s performance in the September Super Series required only one word:  “Proper.”
 
 

MIND GAMES  AT THE  SOUTHSIDE PITCH 
A  COMMENTARY   by  JACQUES  SQUALOR

The long lost art of psychological warfare has been resurrected at the Southside Pitch.  Like demons unleashed from the fires of hell are the many verbal taunts tossed to and fro by the combatants that congregate regularly at Southside.  It are these same taunts that either directly or indirectly lead to ugliness.   Even those punch-ups that had the appearance of spontaneity (e.g., the early season thrashing of Ivan Sfencter at the merciless hands of a crazed James Blood;  or the more recent coldcocking of David Mogen, who absorbed the full force of a Sfencter right hook intended for Buck Mandingo) had their roots in the subtle comments that often follow a point won or lost.  Not all who have appeared at Southside or the Upper Mountain Bocce Grounds are equally adept at either giving or receiving the scornful sarcasm that has claimed many minds.  Even third-rate bocce publications (that shall remain nameless) often refer to mind games as scumming, failing to recognize the premeditated madness that has been applied with surgical skill.

Is it wrong to exploit an opponents weakness when he has not the savvy nor the shrewdness to conceal it?  The opinions vary among bocce professionals, but there is an unmistakable correlation between those who condemn this practice and those who are most susceptible to it.  To have an adversary uninvitedly swaggering through one’s mind is undoubtedly an unpleasant and frustrating experience.  Because test match bocce requires not only skill but concentration and composure, some have sought to acquire an edge, the purpose of which is to temporarily distract their opponents from the business at hand:  victory.  Why it is that some have difficulty understanding the fine points of successful head games is anyone’s guess.  There are even those that are incapable of noticing when these same tactics are being employed, even when it is their own mind that has been infiltrated.  This, in essence, is the perfect form of psychological warfare:  violating and penetrating your opponents mind unbeknownst to him.  Those who are most adept at this practice have laid waste to their foes, leaving them bewildered and vanquished.  It is this writer’s opinion that this strategy, whether employed tastefully or not, only serves to raise the great game of bocce to a level that most other athletic endeavors have yet to attain.  And as those most vulnerable to its effects can attest, it is not for the faint of heart.
 

Bocce notes

SINGLE TEST   

Unseasonably warm weather provided an opportunity for several Southside Pitch regulars to exchange unpleasantries.  The pairings found Ivan Sfencterand Buck Mandingo teamed against Carnivores Cup champion Tomas Sinjin-Smytheand league bad boy K-Rud, who has been absent from the tour following a particularly distasteful display back in August.  His disgracefully offensive performance drew a myriad of protests and boycotts from local community leaders, and after serving his suspension he went into a self-  imposed exile.  One could only guess as to what sort of bocce K-Rud would muster, but his play proved to be remarkably solid and it was instead the more experience Sinjin-Smythe who seemed out of sync, his throwing erratic and his professionalism stretched to the breaking point on several occasions. 

The test match would see countless lead changes, but when all was said and done it was Man of the Match Ivan Sfencter who would claim the decisive point, and victory for his team.  Words like washed-up, has-been, and never-was have hounded Sfencter throughout the season;  sometimes an exaggeration, other times justified, he has ignored his many critics and trudged along, accepting every challenged offered him and never taking a backwards step.  He has battled on admirably after a much publicized slow start that would have broken a lesser man.  Recent test matches at his home pitch, the Upper Mountain Bocce Grounds, have resulted in excellent and unpredictable bocce, those participating not at all adverse to the mass consumption of wine and meats.
 
 

SPACKLER UPDATE     

Legendary Southside Pitch groundskeeper Carl Spackler has seemingly brought to a close one of the ugliest chapters in the annals of bocce.  When league Iron Man David Mogen was inadvertently coldcocked by his own teammate, Ivan Sfencter, following an unusually tense evening of play, several teeth that were dislodged from the blow were lost in the pandemonium that ensued.  It had been reported to the Deboccery Times that while attending to his daily grooming chores, Spackler recovered three teeth believed to be those of Mr. Mogen’s.  Unfortunately for Mogen, Spackler thought he had found a couple of tic-tacs, and washed them down with a tall, cool Budweiser.
 

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