It's been nearly 3 years in the making, but league recluse Nathan Sweatmoore is about to make good on his promise to bring the great game of Bocce to Washington, DC.  Early next week the sprawling greens of Beauregard Lawns are scheduled to host the first major invitational of the summer season.  With Buck Mandingo rumoured to be traveling by motorcade to attend the event, the bocce world is anxiously anticipating the spectacle.  Scheduling conflicts and court appointed restrictions are unfortunately keeping veterans David Mogen and Ivan Sfencter from attending, respectively.  However, there is a strong likelihood that a number of eager amateurs from the DC area will be introduced to the ways of wine and bocce.  Hailing from Germany, California, Lebanon and the sticks of rural Maryland, the competitors with no doubt prove to be an ugly lot of international flavour. 

Untested of yet, Beauregard Lawns have been hyped by Sweatmoore’s promotional team as possibly the finest new arena on the tour.  This blatant buildup may prove only to have been ploy to win league approval and sponsorship from such manufactures as Surgi-Lube, GoLytely Colonic Wash, and Penicillin G, “Still the best treatment for Syphilis™”.  Only time will tell if the grounds prove worthy of league approval.  One early knock on the locale has been it’s brutal summer conditions.  With temperatures likely to approach the high 80’s, the added element of heat and humidity should have foreheads glistening and shirts “revealing”.  Added security will certainly be needed to keep local harlots away from trying to catch a glimpse of the always provocatively dressed Buck Mandingo.  His shirts known in bocce lore as the thinnest garments ever donned by a player.  His past years as head buck within the tropical confines of Cambria Farms will certainly give him an advantage in this regard.

Additionally, government officials have been summoned to attempt to determine the whereabouts of Phil Blackman and his soulmate who were kind enough to complete a foursome with Mandingo, Kali Bhatt and Sfencter  several months ago.  As of yet we are unaware of his location.

By this time next week we should know better if the game of bocce will have found a receptive home in the hard-to-please environment of northern Virginia.  Home to hillbillies and eurotrash, bocce and wine will be quite a departure from soccer, moonshine, tree-stands and buckshot.

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